So one of my roommates has dealt with mental health things, and just came out of a 7 day short stay program a few weeks ago. I am having a very hard time dealing with her attitude towards household issues, and I am vexed about what to do.
She spends a lot of time in her room upstairs, and is on a different schedule than me. She has repeatedly told me not to contact her in the morning-when I am usually home and in the apartment. She has insomnia, and has recently started working the night shift. In the evening she has guests over upstairs, and it’s obvious she doesn’t want to be intruded.
So, I text her and my other roommate when there are issues in the apartment. I know that texting is not an ideal way to communicate, however with a busy schedule, there’s not much else I can do other than leave notes. Because I see her so little, this is the best option.
I cleaned the bathroom today, and texted both roommates that there were things going on in the bathroom-someone kept leaving Venus razor paraphernalia all over the bathroom, and there were straightener burns from a straightener that was left on.
She apparently flipped out-on the other roommate, and my one ex-roommate about the texts. I have heard from them their problems, but I have yet to hear from her.
The thing is, she often communicates also by text-telling us something about the landlords, or another issue that has come up. There’s a double standard-when I can’t communicate with her, but she can with me. And she has shown in the past that communicating via text is appropriate.
I mention mental health, because there’s this attitude that the other roommates take with her. That she is going through a rough patch, and she needs special care or empathy. The problem is-I don’t have time or energy to give her extra care or empathy. When I went through mental health issues, I lived with my parents. They could care for me, and help me through a rough time. I didn’t have to rely on non-family people to treat me with extra fragility and caution.
So, by her continuing with the role she takes with the landlords, and buying household supplies, and getting a job-I fail to see where she needs extra empathy or care. If she can’t handle someone telling her something about a mess in the bathroom, or something else like a pot that she left outside that’s been out there for two weeks, then I don’t know what to do.
She has yet to articulate-hey the texts are too much, and also that she can’t handle cleaning. It’s just stupid.
Here’s an analogy. It’s going to work as a fitness trainer days after you broke your leg. You refuse help from your coworkers, and insist on running the treadmill, and teaching clients as you were before. You can’t do your job, but you try anyways, and you can’t meet the expectations of the position. You do not ask for help, and refuse all help that is offered. Everyone is annoyed-from clients, to the people you work with because clearly something is wrong-your foot is fucking broken, but you insist everything is the same as before.
I want to be able to treat her as a roommate. I want to be able to tell her what’s bothering me, tell her if there’s an issue with something that relates to her, and not have her flip out on other people, and defer the issue to someone else. I don’t want to keep my own issues bottled up.