outside of walmart today on my smoke break, i saw two people sitting on the sidewalk with a dog.
a man and woman, looking about their early twenties sat with a grocery bag, among a few other bags, they looked happy. the girl had a tribal tattoo stretching from her chin, and whisping it’s way up her cheek. both of them wore their hair long, the man had a small animal bone tied around his dread. tattoos were sporadic on both bodies of the young couple. they had huge backpacks. the kind you see on tumblr all the time, with the male models standing somewhere trying to look apathetic. their worn shoes, and cool smiles called me in.
i had to talk to them.
they were from wisconsin, a long way from home here in pa. they were asking about how the cops were, in regards to strays chilling on the sidewalk. they were looking for a bus, to hop a freight train later that night, looking for a way to some chill punk kids around this way & a way to california.
as soon as the words ”freight train” escaped her lips, i was in awe. i told her i wished i could do that. she said, ”do it.” i showed her my swampy tattoo. my mind raced, thoughts of bills to pay, things to plan. i couldn’t. i can’t do that.
what the hell happened to me? a few years ago, i would have told them wait here, i’ll travel with you. i wouldn’t have thought twice. adventure was what i fed on. i feel like crap today, working. seeing those two, happy, homeless, full of life. and i stand there in a subway uniform like some kind of pariah.
i don’t know what’s happened to me. i want to be the person i was. i will be who i was. my thoughts went racing again, they needed help, even though i have nothing to offer.
i went to give them a cigarette, gave them the rest of my pack instead. i told them to wait, i got off at seven and would bring them some food. i left work ten minutes early to try and catch them. i missed them. i walked around the parking lot, following a dog bark. only to find a dog locked in a car. on a mission, i went asking walmart employees, i went behind the buildings, through the whole store. no one knew where they went.
finally, when my ride came, he had seen them at the intersection. by the time i got there, they had vanished. i wish i could have left earlier. snuck outside. ran. been faster. i wanted to help them so bad. in any way.
then it hit me. they didn’t need my help. they were perfectly fine, perfectly happy. they just needed a lift every now and again.
i wish i could be like that. i used to, not worrying about all this capitalistic bullshit. it’s a shame you have to follow certain guidelines to build a life. certain criteria to be fit for society.
all people count, all people matter. i don’t think anyone should care if you have a job or good credit score or anything like that to receive help.
anyway, i don’t know where i was going with this. i met some cool punk homeless people. i don’t like myself. society is corrupt.